My thoughts on Marriage :)

Marriage - An interesting topic to debate on any given day. The first thing that comes to our mind when we talk on marriage is whether its arranged or love :) I am going to discuss both but my main emphasis is not on which is better but on how to live to ensure a happy relationship exists to the extent possible. The information has been gathered from multiple sources and I will leave it to your assumption whether it also includes my experience or not :)

And also the reason I am writing this is to have clarity on my thoughts about marriage and I welcome all suggestions :)

Marriage can happen either way – arranged or love. Let me talk about love marriage now. I will discuss two variations of love marriage. Let me begin the first one. In some cases they say love happens at first sight. You look at someone and your instinct says I want to marry her. And let me tell you in such scenarios the girl or the boy will always be good looking else I am very sure what I refer to as instinct will never tell you the same when you look at not so good looking boy or girl :) Ok fine, now let us assume a guy’s instinct says yes and he proposes. The girl might take some time before saying a yes or no. Now what happens in this waiting phase? The guy is convinced that the girl is made for her and decides to wait. The girl starts thinking from all perspectives and tries to arrive at a conclusion based on her interests and the guy’s capability to take care of her interests. If the differences are less and not that major she might say a yes soon leading to marriage. If there are many differences or conflicts of interests which are substantial things take more time. What happens now? Since the guy made the initial proposal he starts to compromise a bit to ensure things go fine. Let’s say the girl wants to stay separate from in-laws after marriage. The guy though reluctant might relent to ensure he marries her. So the process of compromise or sacrificing your ideals or value system sets in. The guy starts to yield more than the girl since he made the initial proposal. (If it girl proposes first she will yield more) And it more or less becomes a pattern. The guy justifies these compromises saying it is worth for the love. After more analysis the girl says yes and they finally get married. Now let us consider post marriage scenario. The pattern of guy compromising has set in and it continues for a while. It’s all good for a while before the frustration sets to creep in. The guy starts wondering why he has to yield all the time. The ego sets in. He begins opposing. The girl who has hardly compromised till date starts complaining that her husband has changed and he is not the same as he used to be. No way can she accept her husband’s changed approach. Conflicts occur frequently since both of them are not in a position to manage. And eventually things spiral out of control leading to unhealthy outcome.

Now let me dwell on another form of love marriage. In this guy and girl are initially friends. The relationship begins with friendship. There will be constant interactions and you get to know more of each other. After a while either of them might feel that their interests are similar and begins thinking in terms of love and marriage. He or she might propose and the other party might say a yes or no. In this scenario it may not take much time to decide as they already know each other. It might end abruptly as well. For example the girl might say a strict no conveying she never looked him from that angle and she always thought you as the best friend :) or it might end positively. Let us say it ends positively. Now consider post marriage scenario. By this time more or less the platform for a good life has been laid as they were friends before and know in and out of each other. Compromises will also be there but it will be evenly balanced. In this way the relationship is more secured and the probability of leading a good life is high. I am not saying things will be hundred percent fine. All I am trying to convey it the failure rate will be low.

Now let me come to arranged marriage. A guy goes to see a girl and if the girl is good looking and if he feels positive with whatever little interaction he had with the girl he will say a yes for marriage. Post marriage if the differences are fewer things will go smooth. If the conflict of interests is more, then both will make an attempt to compromise. This is more because of societal and parental pressure. They somehow ensure things don’t go out of control. And it continues. The success rate of marriage judged in terms of getting divorced is less but to what extent the quality of life they lead is open for judgment. It all depends on the extent to which one has compromised. If the compromise is balanced they will lead a good life.

Now what’s the best option? Personally I would prefer the second form of love marriage (initially friends where in you get to know each other and then decide to marry) to arranged marriage and the first form of love marriage (you look at girl and instinctively feel she is your love) comes last in my priority.

Irrespective of the kind of marriage the essential thing in sustaining a good relation is the art of compromise. Nobody here is made for each other. Everyone will have their own interests and perspectives on many issues. Hence it is highly essential to balance these conflicts by compromising. Things will go wrong when this balance on compromises is skewed to an extreme (Either the guy compromises too much or the girl). And one more essential aspect is giving respect to your spouse interests. It implies not imposing your viewpoint or thoughts or actions on the other. I really feel that giving respect to the person as they are and compromising whenever situation arises is essential to the success of any kind of marriage. I know it is easier said but giving it a try won't do any harm either.

That’s it folks. This is my take on marriage. Any suggestions you are most welcome. If you don’t want to discuss it in blog you can mail me anytime :)

P.S: I am still a bachelor :)