During my marriage reception, an elderly person (70+) who stayed in U.S for a good number of years and is presently engaged in doing philanthropic work in Karkala, whom I have known since few years wished me as follows: " I request you to have at least 3 kids so that when you retire, the probability of any one of them taking care of you will be high". Presently he stays alone with his wife in Karkala. His wish is the motivation for this post.
Let me jump to the topic of this post. The title is quite broad enough making it difficult to interpret what I want to convey. It's always a tough task to convey a message to the younger generation. I am referring to the role ok kids in taking care of parents. I am aware that it's a controversial topic and I would like to put forth my views on it.
Gone are the days of joint family. We all have debated for long on the pros and cons of joint family over a nuclear family. The reality is nuclear family is here to stay because of various reasons. I do not want to discuss them in this post.
We are in a generation where a parent will have at the most 3 children. It's almost down to one child these days. Let me discuss how things are panning out with such families.
Parents reside in villages or small cities. Children more often than not work in big cities like Bangalore. They might be employed in IT industry or any other company. I am specifically referring to IT industry since its one of the largest employer in the last decade. Parents are proud about the fact that their son or daughter works in some x company and earns y salary. Are they really happy is the question? Happiness is a subjective question but I will make an attempt to generalize what happiness means from their perspective. This is derived from the fact that I have interacted with quite a good number of parents on what they really expect from their children.
Let me pose a question. Assume your age is 60+. Would you prefer to stay alone with your spouse or would you prefer to stay with any of your children and grandchildren (if any)? My choice would be the latter one. I guess most of them would choose the latter one over the former.
What's happening right now is contrary to what parents really need. They are happy that their children are working and earning well but given a choice they would love to be with you. I do agree that few parents might differ but majority of them would love to stay with their children.
Parents are solely responsible for what we are today. They sacrifice a lot to ensure that we get proper education. Once they retire how fair is it on our part to let them lead a life all alone. Don't they deserve to be taken special care? Is it sufficient to send them more than required money once in a month? Can money act as a substitute for their real needs?
I am sure that we won't be able to repay the sacrifices which our parents have made in our upbringing. What children can do is to at least take care of them by being with them. My message is pretty clear:
Once you get a job in a new city, work there for 3-5 years alone. Youngsters also need to enjoy their new lifestyle independently. Once you are settled in your job, the next thing which you need to do is to convince your parents ( probably retired from their services) to stay with you. I know some parents would be hesitant to move to a new city but make an effort to convince them to join you. There will be some exceptions where it is practically impossible for them to move with you. That's fine but do make an effort. One more sincere request to girls is not to insist on staying separate with your husband.
I know many would say that my views on this are conservative in nature. But I do not mind. I have seen a good number of parents undergoing the pain of living alone. They present a pretty happy statement to the outer world but internally its a different thing.
( Image source:http://bit.ly/LZ7VIt )
Let me jump to the topic of this post. The title is quite broad enough making it difficult to interpret what I want to convey. It's always a tough task to convey a message to the younger generation. I am referring to the role ok kids in taking care of parents. I am aware that it's a controversial topic and I would like to put forth my views on it.
We are in a generation where a parent will have at the most 3 children. It's almost down to one child these days. Let me discuss how things are panning out with such families.
Parents reside in villages or small cities. Children more often than not work in big cities like Bangalore. They might be employed in IT industry or any other company. I am specifically referring to IT industry since its one of the largest employer in the last decade. Parents are proud about the fact that their son or daughter works in some x company and earns y salary. Are they really happy is the question? Happiness is a subjective question but I will make an attempt to generalize what happiness means from their perspective. This is derived from the fact that I have interacted with quite a good number of parents on what they really expect from their children.
Let me pose a question. Assume your age is 60+. Would you prefer to stay alone with your spouse or would you prefer to stay with any of your children and grandchildren (if any)? My choice would be the latter one. I guess most of them would choose the latter one over the former.
What's happening right now is contrary to what parents really need. They are happy that their children are working and earning well but given a choice they would love to be with you. I do agree that few parents might differ but majority of them would love to stay with their children.
Parents are solely responsible for what we are today. They sacrifice a lot to ensure that we get proper education. Once they retire how fair is it on our part to let them lead a life all alone. Don't they deserve to be taken special care? Is it sufficient to send them more than required money once in a month? Can money act as a substitute for their real needs?
I am sure that we won't be able to repay the sacrifices which our parents have made in our upbringing. What children can do is to at least take care of them by being with them. My message is pretty clear:
Once you get a job in a new city, work there for 3-5 years alone. Youngsters also need to enjoy their new lifestyle independently. Once you are settled in your job, the next thing which you need to do is to convince your parents ( probably retired from their services) to stay with you. I know some parents would be hesitant to move to a new city but make an effort to convince them to join you. There will be some exceptions where it is practically impossible for them to move with you. That's fine but do make an effort. One more sincere request to girls is not to insist on staying separate with your husband.
I know many would say that my views on this are conservative in nature. But I do not mind. I have seen a good number of parents undergoing the pain of living alone. They present a pretty happy statement to the outer world but internally its a different thing.
( Image source:http://bit.ly/LZ7VIt )
7 comments:
Totally agree... Parents well being is an important priority of every child.
as the no:of IT cmpnies increases,the old age homes also
3 kids.wow. 1/3 probability < 1/2 probability.Its up to a child to feel that one has 2 take care of parents.feeling from within :)
other stuff is; v try covering this inability with the financial support. getting stuffs/vacation trip for them. seen that :(
Hmm.. Lots of things in it ( speaking in general and may not apply to all )
1. Why cant you move back? Your pay may be a bit lower but then you may live with them
Ans - Maybe because we want more money or a better life style and we make a trade off
2. Since we will start earning in a few months, why dont we take up theirs and ours expenses and try to live a life?
Again we may not have all we want for, but are we mentally prepared to make such sacrifices
Thing about giving something back to your parents is "A Life Changing Effort" is required which we are not prepared to do. Also, we have always been on the receiving end and so we are in a habit of expecting things from them and not the other way round. So Even if we do not make radical changes, I would suggest make small, suggestive changes in our lifestyle which makes them feel appreciated and valued. Let them not get the feeling that we have taken them for granted. Even this would be a great step if you ask me.
Hmmm.. Will make a note of it. Lucid writing. :)
Super writing...nd vry close to my heart ...... Feel hppy aftr read it
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